What Day is Today?

Today is National Tell a Joke Day! Do you have a good joke to tell? Are you a good joke teller? Because it might be the best joke in the world, but if you are a rotten joke teller, then it just becomes that....a rotten joke.

So have a go at it...tell a joke. Make someone laugh! Here is mine...

There is this 75 year old woman...she has been married for 55 years when her husband up and dies on her.
Isn't too long before she starts getting lonely and decides to put an ad in the paper for a companion.
"Wanted a good looking senior man who is faithful, won't run around on me, won't beat me and is still capable of having great sex."
Well lo and behold, not more than two hours after the ad runs, her door bell sounds off.
She's a bit nervous, but nothing could prepare she for the shock of what was on the other side of her door when she opened it!
The man facing her said, "I am here in response to the ad you placed."
The poor woman found herself stammering and stuttering, "but, but, you have no legs"
"Nope," he said, "So I won't be running around on you!"
"But, but, you have no arms!" she cried.
"That is true madam. Therefore, I won't be beating you either," he explained.
"And what about the sex?" she asked.
"I rang the doorbell didn't I"

Ba da Bing!!!
Ba da boom!!!!

Change

Shutter Sisters, a photography blog I have always admired and loved, has a monthly project: "one word" in which photographers interpret the word through the lens of their camera .

Because I have just begun to blog again, I am so far behind, not only on writing, but also on reading,
catching up often finds me behind the eight ball. Therefore, I find myself thinking about the July prompt on August first. The word for July was "life". Life captured through the lens of my camera...

                                       

First Step

I did it....

I took the first real step. The step that included money and paperwork. Oh and a three hour test!

Yep...I did it!

OH SHIT!

What am I doing???? I can still bail. It will only have cost me $95.00 and three hours of my time.

NO! Damn it!

I have done bigger scarier things! I got divorced after 30 years! What is scarier than that!

Yep...I did it!

Well....only part of it.

There is still a whole lot more to do!

Stay tuned.....

You Know...

If you have had three cell phones...all the same make and model, and all three phones have had some kind of mechanical malfunction, chances are the fourth one Sprint is trying to force you to take will too!

Yes, I can be difficult if I don't get my way. But really, do you think I am being unreasonable for insisting on having a different make and model, completely new, out of the box, after no less than three phones have gone bad in less than one year. Really??????

After all, I have paid my bill, and included in that bill is a charge every month for insurance on the phone that has had to be replaced three times in a year. And they are telling me they want me to get a fourth just like it????? Really??????

Oh, that's right...it is their policy. You know...procedure. Rules....

In other words, it is a way for Sprint to fuck its customers and it worked! I just spent $125.00 on a new out of the box phone.

I hate Sprint......

Expect the Unexpected

It is not where I expected to be
It is not what I expected to be doing
It is not how I expected things to turn out
It is not who I expected to become

On the day I turned 50.....

the journey

 

walk with me on this journey

take my hand. together we will travel our path

to wherever it goes

walk with me on this journey

over paved paths through grassy fields

where our breaths come easy and our hearts beat as one

walk with me on this journey

through dark forests wrought with sounds mysterious and chilling

stay with me on the convoluted trails that seek to confuse us along our way

walk with me on this journey

down streets filled with strangers to places unknown

partaking in adventures filled with excitement, with trepidation, with joy

walk with me on this journey

let us be each other's guide as we traverse the rugged mountain terrain

struggling to reach the pinnacle...pulling the other along

walk with me on this journey

take my hand. together we will travel our path

to wherever it goes

On Being Single #1

Being single after 30 years of marriage is, well.....interesting. Ok....there are a plethora of words I could use to describe what my life has been like since my divorce...but interesting will suffice for this particular topic.

Being single as it relates to the opposite sex is the topic at hand. And this shall be my first installment of what I know will be many many more postings regarding said issue. So without further ado I give you the first installment of:

On Being Single

I seem to attract only the weirdos at the bar. I go to the bar to dance and to only dance. I love to dance! I dance by myself or with a few select men I know VERY well. I even wear a sparkly ring on the fourth finger of my left hand to give the impression I am married. Most men just leave me alone. That makes me very happy! But then you have the weirdos!

Let me set the scene: Girlfriend and I are standing at a table talking. Man with hair that looks like he stole it from a Muppet, walks over to me and says:

Muppet man: You are the most beautiful woman in the bar. Are you an Aries? Because that's my hobby.
Me: Thank you. No, not an Aries.
Muppet man: No? Well then you must be a Libra.
Me: Nope not a Libra either. You've got 10 more. Maybe you should get a new hobby!

Girlfriend and I dance off to the dance floor with drinks in hand. Who knows what kind of Leo/Gemini voodoo stuff Muppet Man would have put in our drinks if he had had the chance!

Scene Two, different week, same bar: I have been a dancing maniac for hours. A male friend is with me and we are having a great time. I am aware of a guy watching from a distance...but there are alot of guys watching the dance floor. No big deal....until I go to the bathroom. Upon exiting the bathroom, I notice a man leaning against the wall adjacent to the restroom door. He reaches for my hand as I walk past stopping me:

Bathroom Stalker: You are absolutely gorgeous.
Me: Thank you
Bathroom Stalker: I have been waiting for an opportunity to tell you that all night
Me: I don't know what else to say to that except Thank you?

I walk away thinking, did he really just follow me to the bathroom and lurk outside the door until I came out to tell me that? Well, guess what Mr. Bathroom Stalker...jokes on you! There was no soap in there so I couldn't wash that hand you grabbed onto! Ha!

It's a jungle out there ladies...be careful!