Friday, October 31, 2008

HSMSHS - Passage opening or entrance into, through or out of something
When I think about the word 'passage' I am brought to those times in my children's lives when they crossed from one threshold to another. It may have been a simple event...for the girls wearing lip gloss, or my son his first father/son camping trip.
Whatever passage to be traversed...on the other side awaiting them was a new adventure or a new realm of life to be discovered.
If you find yourself at a passage...what will you do?

Sky Watch Friday

It is Friday and the sun is setting on this week. I am weary and look forward to it coming to an end. I will spend this weekend resting and recharging my mind and soul...preparing for what the next week holds for me.

I look forward to the week ahead being much more peaceful than the one I am leaving behind.

To all of you I wish you rest and peace as well...visit all those other beautiful skies at Sky Watch

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Stucture - HSMSHS

Are you one of those who requires routine? Do you fall apart if you do not have structure in your life? I do! That is why it has been so difficult this week...there has been no routine. A day planner helps me keep structure in my life...what helps you with your structure?

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I'm Looking for the Pony

I recently was told a story about two boys who were sent out to the barn to shovel the shit out of the stalls. The one young man was so angry he spent his time kicking the walls, cussing and flinging shit all over the place. The other young man however, did his chore with a smile on his face and a song in his heart, happily moving shovel after shovel of shit.

When the father came out to check on the progress of his young boys, he noticed the cheerful demeanor of the one.

"Son," he said, "why are you so happy doing such a dirty, nasty, smelly job?"

"Well Dad," he answered, "I figured with all this poop, there has to be a pony under here somewhere!"

I'm trying to keep smiling...but I'm getting tired of shoveling... does anyone know where the pony is?

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

When They Hurt

No matter how old they get, when you hear panic and pain in their voice, everything else becomes infinitesimal. That was my life this past Sunday morning.

The phone rang in the early morning hours...the voice was that of my 25 year old screaming, "Mama come to my house now!" There are no words to describe the feeling that washed over me for I knew something was horribly wrong.

I was out of bed before the final word was out of her mouth. I wasted no time asking questions and was dressed, in the car and at her back door in less than five minutes. I found her standing at the sink with a friend holding my daughter's towel wrapped hand above her head.

When she saw me, her face was contorted with agony...she fell against me as I unwrapped her hand to see what had happened. Through her tears and sobs she tried to explain the events that caused the devastating injury to her thumb...while trying to close a window, one that did not work properly, she lost control of it and it dropped on her thumb. I caution you...if you have a weak stomach do not look at this picture.
My baby, my sweet beautiful girl, had nearly amputated a good part of her thumb. We scooped her up and drove to the hospital...her in my heart in my throat. All the while I whispered in her ear the reassurances she needed to make it through the drive...keeping her calm...keeping me calm.

It was if she were 3 years old again with a scraped knee or a bruised shin needing her mama to comfort her and make everything in her world all right. I wasn't sure I could make this alright. Mama's have special powers with kisses and such but even I didn't think my kisses were going to be powerful enough to fix this.
Hours later...xrays, and various doctors and nurses, it was determined that a trip to the 'hand room' would be sufficient to repair the injuries. Her thumb is broken and there is missing tissue, so suture repair is ugly and healing will be slow...but she still has her thumb.

No matter how old they get...I will always be their mother. But more than that I am Mama and they still call when they need me.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Natural Vision

Shutter Sisters is discussing the topic of natural vision and photography. I often struggle with this in my attempt to capture that perfect moment in time.
For I am intent on capturing emotion with my camera. I want my photos to display feelings and for those who look at them to be touched within their hearts by something they see.
Is that my natural vision? Do I always see it in the frame before the shutter opens and shuts in that millisecond? No. Often it is just a fluke...just luck on my part to have captured that incredible instant.

Saturday, October 25, 2008


Cameras...they allow us to capture a moment in time. Photographs...they allow us to gaze upon that moment in time forever.

Do you have a photo that stopped time at just that perfect juncture? The one that takes you back to that know the one where you thought every second of every moment was perfect and it was going to stay that way forever?

Do you have that photo that makes you ache to touch the person in it just one more time? The one that crawls so deep into your consciousness it sets your senses on fire? Can you look at it and feel the softness of her skin, smell the sun in his hair or feel his fingers running across your back...maybe even hear the sound of her voice again?

Photographs...they are tangible, the memories they bring us are priceless.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Sky Watch - Sunrise

"You don't need somebody to interpret for you what a beautiful sunrise it is."
Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
(Indian Spritual leader 1831 - 1900)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Do You See What I See?

After a very long drive to the CA coast to explore an old lighthouse, this is what I saw...can you see the light through the moist fog?

HSMSHS - Reflect

Reflecting...I have certainly been doing alot of that lately. Could I have influenced the choices of others through my own actions? I will never know the answers to those questions I find myself deliberating.

So instead of a long winded rumination, I give you a reflection captured as the sun casts forth her rays and creates a shadow.

Monday, October 20, 2008

My World

What is going on in my world? Construction! Construction on the highways, construction in my home, and in my mind. Everywhere you look it seems there is destruction and ruin. When will the orange barrels go away?

A bonus though, as the arrow is so aptly showing...the price of gas is dropping! It is down another $.20 since this picture was taken. Yea ha!

If you would like to see what is going on in the world of other's, click on the badge above. This is a new meme and I am sure everyone would enjoy a visit.

Stepping Out of My Mind

Though life is throwing me some challenges lately and keeping my mind in places of unease, I was able to get out on Sunday and enjoy an activity I have not taken pleasure in in over a year.

We used to be avid GeoCachers...but life got in the way. Buying the lake house, and then some computer issues with Vista incompatibilities and such didn't help! So the GPS just sat idle and the bag of trinkets we had collected to trade with hung in the closet. Our goal of finishing all 80 counties stalled and no new states were added to our map.

With the sun shining on a cool October day...we found ourselves with good friends once again in search of those elusive treasures hidden in places found only with the help of a GPS.

The smells and sounds of fall...leaves crunching under our feet, the ratta tat tat of woodpeckers drilling for bugs in hollow trees, smoke from the nearby campground, squirrels chattering above our heads as we disturb the hunt for their winter bounty, odors of damp rotting wood returning nutrients to the soil.....

It was a good way to side track this overburdened mind.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Today's Flower

Click to enlarge
Without their supporting structures, a flower would not be. This is what is left of the clematis after the blooms have fallen to the ground...a tangled mess. It may not be beautiful but it is certainly interesting don't you think? Plus it reflects my mood perfectly today.

Ancient Wisdom

I ache for the words that will soothe my mind. The sage advice I know they would offer me.
What do you do when the strongest women in your life are both gone and you feel like you are coming apart at the seams?

"Tell me, Mom, what am I to do?"

"Granny I need some of that no nonsense advice you were so good at."

Please just talk to me!

Counter This....

Shutter Sisters has challenged us to go to our
kitchens and find an ordinary shot of something extraordinary.

My sacred pots and pans...
Those I use to create the food that nourishes the body's of those I love.
The vessels in which I meld the flavors that satisfy the palate.
The instruments of my art
Sturdy and reliable.

Hello - Can you hear Me?

I wonder if God answers his prayers?


Things I am thinking about at 3:30 in the morning:

1. Drunk people should not have cell phones.

2. Bristol Palin's baby's daddy is an idiot.

3. What would geese have to scream about at 3:30 in the morning?

4. What is the difference between forgiveness and just learning to live with it?

5. Is reality really neutral?

6. What are other people doing at 3:30 in the morning?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

TGIF - Is There a Goddess in Those Clouds?


Pele, Goddess of Fire
She rides the seething, fiery tide
Bubbling, boiling, hissing,
Waves that only Pele can ride,
Embracing, loving, kissing.
In the midst of a mighty volcano,
In the lake of liquid fire
Rhythmically flowing from side to side
Swim eruptions of hate and desire.
Ebullition from the deepest depths
Symbolic of nascent power,
Creator, destroyer, which shall she be named
As she restlessly churns in her tower?
Expression in definite form and direction
Is given at her command.
Only the humble and wise can escape
The power of her hand.
Beware the disguises from fire that rises
Deep from the cauldron within.
A spark from the heart, like a fiery dart
Tempered with love's not a sin.
Mary Ports

It's an....

The Okapi (Okapia johnstoni) is a mammal native to the Ituri Rainforest, located in the northeast of the Democratic Republic of the Congo, in central Africa. Although the Okapi bears striped markings reminiscent of the zebra, it is most closely related to the giraffe.
Thanks Wiki


Something troubling happened in my building yesterday. One of my students became so overwrought, he walked out and went home. He did this unbeknownst to any adult staff member. In fact, no one knew he was missing until his father called to tell us he was at home.
More than troubling I would say.

In defense of the teachers who did not account for was early in the day and attendance was not yet out. But still....

At the core of the matter is not the fact he was unaccounted is the reason he left. This young man, a gentle soul...not very bright, somewhat immature, a bit different, but mostly kind...has been the target of some pretty nasty middle school boys. And yesterday he had had enough. He walked. He went to a place where he felt safe...home.

We have a zero tolerance policy in our building...I really don't even know what that means. I assume there will be an 'investigation'...the antagonizers somehow punished. Maybe a detention or a Saturday school. There will most likely be a lecture about, "how would you feel if..."

But what of his pain? Who will address that? For it seems this has been going on for some time. This young man will carry with him for life the words of the bullies. He will remember forever the day he left school because he could no longer tolerate the abuse of his peers.

I don't think bullies are affected by detentions and Saturday schools. I don't think they care about lectures and 'how would you feel'. I think bullies only understand one kind of language...their own. And I know I am not being politically correct when I say this: I think bullies need some of their own medicine to cure what ails them...a good ass beating.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


I wondered how long it would take the Tech Nazis to figure it out. I got by with almost 2 1/2 months before they caught me...but now I have been busted. Yes, the henchmen at computer services have found me out...well not me exactly. They don't know it was ME.

They just know that someone has been accessing a site on the school server with an Internet address that is not in accordance with the district policy of acceptable usage and guess what they did...THEY BLOCKED IT! Those bastard's blocked my blog and now I can't get to it during the day...not even on my lunch hour!

They blocked everything with a address. So not only can I not access my blog, I can't get to any of you either! I am so bummed I can barely stand it. However, they failed to do one thing...they only blocked the address. They did not block anything with so I can get to dashboard to post etc. I just can't look at the finished product.

So I am not completely out of the game yet. I may be late commenting on your posts...or reading what is going on around the world...but at least I still have some access. And once the Nazis find out about that...and I am sure they will...I will go to dial up. May be slow but I don't think they can block the phone line.

I will not be stopped!


What on Earth is that?
Can you figure is out?
Take you best guess and I will show you a full shot tomorrow!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


Strawberries Dipped in Chocolate...yum yum!

Ruby Tuesday

"Where flowers bloom so does hope."
Lady Bird Johnson

Monday, October 13, 2008

Quote of the Day

Okay...let me preface this: I am in no way a man basher. I love men! But as I was searching for the perfect quote for the post below I came across this and I couldn't resist...I haven't stopped laughing.......

"Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good ones are either taken or they've had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon."


Autumnal Cornucopia

For man, autumn is a time of harvest, of gathering together.
For nature, it is a time of sowing, of scattering abroad.
~Edwin Way Teale


HSMSHS prompt today is autumnal. Autumn...I have written of it in the past. It can be a melancholy time for me. But this past weekend had it's moments of glory. The weather was skies, gentle breezes and temperatures that Goldilocks would have delighted in.

Autumn on the lake brings about colors of browns and reds and oranges in all hues and shades. As the leaves on the trees begin to change, the grass fades from green to brown, the crops in the fields turn golden it seems the landscape around me is not one I have known.

On the lake the spatterdock is thinning, the birds are migrating. And there are new colors to be seen floating by. Colors of green, brown and gray in patterns that seem to meld with the world around it.

Men dressed in the same strange colors...handsome dogs standing in the oddly painted boats. Ah...another sign of autumn! It is hunting season. The sound of shotguns in the distance is distinct and exciting. I wonder if they were successful.

Oh but today...they are tucked in just 100 yards or so off our dock area. I could sit and watch with the binoculars. I could hear as they called to their prey. I could see as the hunter put his shotgun to his shoulder and aimed. I could see the shot hit its mark. I could see as his well trained black lab entered the water and retrieved the bounty taking it back to his master with wagging tail.

It is like watching a beautifully choreographed dance. Everything must come together with perfect is amazing. I so want to be part of this dance. I want to yell across the lake, "come get me...let me play with you. Teach me how to dance with nature the way you do." But I know the sound of my voice will be lost across the water.

So I am content to be a live vicariously through them.

Autumn....colors, sounds, smells...............................

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Showing Off Today's Flower!

The poetry of earth is never dead:
When all the birds are faint with the hot sun,
And hide in cooling trees, a voice will run
From hedge to hedge about the new-mown mead;
That is the Grasshopper's--he takes the lead
In summer luxury,--he has never done
With his delights; for when tired out with fun
He rests at ease beneath some pleasant weed.
The poetry of earth is ceasing never:
On a lone winter evening, when the frost
Has wrought a silence, from the stove there shrills
The Cricket's song, in warmth increasing ever,
And seems to one in drowsiness half lost,
The Grasshopper's among some grassy hills.
John Keats

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Good Deeds Gone Bad

Although today was an almost perfect day...the weather, the company, the location, I did have an experience that has me troubled.

Driving back from a business appointment this morning, the hubby and I stopped at a lovely family farm market to check out the fall harvest. We walked along the rows of pumpkins and exotic shaped gourds. The proprietor was very friendly as we talked about her bounty and I complimented her gardens.

But it wasn't those icons of fall that kept my attention. I noticed everywhere I looked, there were felines of all sizes and colors. One especially caught my eye. She was a pewter colored kitten with bull's eye markings, probably no older than 10 - 12 weeks and she was very busy rubbing around my ankles.

"That's Molly," the woman said. And she began to explain the existence of her cats. Most of them are drop offs that just continue to breed and breed. At this point she figures there are somewhere around 40 cats of various ages around the homestead.

She and her husband feed them, but offers no medical care or spaying or neutering as the food bill alone is around $200.00 a month. She continues to explain they are all barn cats and nature just takes it course with coyote, hawks owls etc. thinning them out over the winter. What the animals don't get disease will.

Of course, I already have Molly in my arms nestled against my chest. She is snuggled in tight and purring. I noticed she cannot open her right eye. It is full of green pus. I bring it to the woman's attention. She says again, "We don't dr. them." I suggest maybe just cleaning it out and putting a little neosporin ointment on it might help. "It might," she responds. I don't hold out any hope for Molly getting any care for her eye.

Molly isn't the only cat with eye problems, there are many seemingly winking at me. Most of the cats appear to have something wrong with them. One has some kind of tumor. Another is so infested with worms he is starving to death. I am heart broken at the physical state of these kittens and cats. They may be barn cats but it is obvious some of them are very ill and are in desperate need of medical care.

She tells me not to get attached to her cats. They will not give them away. WHAT?

But her philosophy is, "if God brings them to us, we are going to feed them." I'm not sure God wants to own the human dumping of helpless animals, but that is another post.

I want to say to her they need more than food. I want to say to her it would be more humane to put them down than to let them have full bellies but suffer through disease, harsh weather or be ripped apart by the talons of a bird of prey or the teeth of a coyote.

I want to say save yourself $200.00 a month on cat food and buy a couple boxes of .22 cal cartridges. It would be way cheaper and much more humane.

HSMSHS - Pet Portrait Saturday


I Hunted and I found!


Even a basketball has to rest sometime!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Look Up! It's Sky Watch time.

Click to enlarge photo


Though I love the changes with HSMSHS I find I can't access the site from work (yes, I admit I do occasionally work on personal stuff at work). It seems Bess, our internet filter system, will not let me access anything associated with Typepad. It is such a bummer! I will always be almost a day behind checking on everyone unless I catch the word of the day before I go to bed. But I will be checking on everyone!


What do you see out there Sailor?


And if you don't vote...Don't complain about the results

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Good Things are Happening!

Somethings change and somethings remain the same. Well Her Space My Space has Changed and for the better. It is now called Her Space My Space His Space (HSMSHS) and has a new site as well.
And guess what! The girls have added a boy...gasp!. I am sure he will spice things up as men always do bring an interesting mix to things don't they!
To celebrate the new endeavor and the changes.. Today's word is Welcome. Here is my take on Welcome.
Welcome to SuzyB...Welcome to Andrew...Welcome to everyone who takes the time to visit me...I do appreciate you all.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Manic Monday - Leaf

I shot this while kayaking on Sunday. The water was so calm and still and the sky was cloudless. This lone leaf was just gently floating by as I quietly paddled my way through the still water watching nature just happen around me. There won't be too many days left for kayaking the lake.

"Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower"

Albert Camus

Save Your TA TA's

We all knew it would happen. How could it not. She had at least three sisters who had had it. In fact, we were all surprised it hadn't happened before it did. One fateful day his sister stopped by...Mom has a lump in her breast, she told us. None of us were optimistic...with her history how could we be.

The day of the surgery the hospital waiting room looked like a family reunion. There were at least 15 of us there...husband, children, grandchildren, sister, nieces. The Dr. did a lumpectomy and there would be follow up radiation. Prognosis was good. Recovery was difficult...tamoxifen for five walk in the park: the hot flashes are worse than menopause I am told. But a small price to pay for your life!

Lumpectomy...she was never satisfied with the results. Always said if she knew her breast was going to look like it did she would have opted for a complete removal. She showed me once, it made me so sad...the medical profession should call it a partial breast removal as more than a third of her breast was gone. The scar tissue caused her so much pain, always pulling and rubbing against her bra. But again a small price to pay for your life!

Fast forward four years...another mass is found in what is left of the breast. Again, there is a family reunion at the hospital. But we are not celebrating. There is fear and the air is thick with dread. This time there is no biopsy to determine what is to be done. She just wants that irritating thing gone. "Get rid of it," she says. "I don't want to be bothered with it anymore!"

In less than an hour the Dr. is in the waiting room telling us the matriarch of our family is fine...there was no cancer. My husband's mother, my children's grandmother, the only woman I have to call mother is without a breast...but does not have any remnants of that insidious disease we call cancer.

Months later she and I are together. She asks if I want to see her scar. It appears important for her to share this with me so I say yes. She lifts her shirt and before me where the breast that nourished her three children is an angry, jagged seam, transversing the center of her chest. It looked more liked a battle wound than a surgical incision. It was a battle wound. For she had fought a battle...a battle for her life...and she had won.

I reached out and gingerly touched the souvenir of her battle and instantly tears were falling from my eyes. I felt such a loss for her. I couldn't imagine what I would have done if it were me and my breast were gone. She looked at me and this is what she said:

"Oh honey, don't you cry for that old breast of mine. I'm an old woman. What do I need a breast for. Your dad doesn't care if I have a breast. I glad to be done with the worry. Should have had it removed to begin with. And if I need it, I just pull it out of the drawer and put it in my bra." And we laughed.

She is a survivor and not because she survived breast cancer. She is a survivor because she survived it with a sense of humor and an ability to comfort others through her own adversity.

Remind those women you love and even those you don't, to have their mammograms and to do their self-checks. October is breast cancer awareness aware...spread the word...Save your TA TA's!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Today's Flowers - and Bees

click to enlarge
You won't be disappointed!
Thanks to ellenb I have discovered a program that lets me be creative with collages.
This was my first attempt.
Enjoy the flowers and nature at her best!

Education v Mis-Information

For years as a certified firearms instructor, I taught personal protection courses for people who wanted to learn to use firearms as a means to protect themselves. I also taught Refuse to be a Victim crime avoidance courses for those who were not comfortable with using a firearm but wanted strategies to keep themselves safe. I also taught the Eddie Eagle program to young children who may find themselves around a firearm. I think I have established my credentials.

I find myself reading several different blogs where firearms are the main focus, or blogs where people have questions about firearms or personal safety and are reaching out to the blogging community for answers. Oh boy, am I troubled.

I have read some of these blogs and find myself shaking my head. Firearms are objects of instant lethality and should be treated as such. Concealed Carry Licenses are issuance's of responsibility and should not be waved around in bars. Giving advice on altering a firearm used for concealed carry is just plain dangerous!

The Internet is a powerful tool. If you do not have the proper credentials to give advice on something that is as important as someones life, don't do it. You might cost them theirs.

A firearm is not body jewelry. Though admittedly there are some gorgeous guns out there. It is however, nothing more than just that if you do not have the proper training, consistent practice and proper mindset to use it when the need arises. Without all three of these will do you no good.

Let me say...opinions are free, expertise is not. If you want to give advice, get the training, get the credentials! Your time spent on the range shooting with your husband, or teaching your wife and friends, does not make you an expert.

If you want to get expert for it. Go to a class. Take the course. Practice at the range. Shoot different firearms. Find the one that is most comfortable in your hands. Take part in some Airsoft games. Learn to be the predator and not the prey.

In the long run it will save your life.

PS - The only site I currently read regularly that I would be willing to recommend as a source for good firearms information would be Brigid...that is because she is a TRAINED EXPERT.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Uh Oh...Leaning to the Right

Conversations in a teacher's lounge can be as varied as the palette of a color wheel. We are a diverse array of individuals. Although most would think the collection of us is a more left leaning group...not necessarily so in my building. We talk about everything and the conversations would give most people pause.

It was during one of those conversations that I was left somewhat stunned. A conversation that began innocently enough but has me examining a core belief. A belief I never thought I would ever waiver on. One I never thought I would compromise.

But I am standing back taking a look from a different direction...just looking at this moment mind you! No decisions have been votes cast. I am still no closer to a decision than I was before.

I am at odds with this election...not finding a clear choice in the two men who are running. Neither represents what I consider a hands down option...both failing to equally support those issues I find important to myself and my country.

However, this particular conversation with a person I think who is intuitive and wise, has me wondering about my stand and what is important.

We were talking about the current financial crisis facing this nation and that conversation segue wayed into what has happened to this country since 9/11.

We both agreed that this country has seen catastrophic financial changes that never would have been realized had there never been a 9/11. That we are a nation so changed by those cataclysmic is impossible to even hypothesize where we would if terrorists had not descended upon our nation.

But they did and we are forever changed because of it, we concurred

It was at this point she looked at me with eyes so intense and a sadness that spoke volumes and said, "For me this election will be about National security. It is so important that I am willing to sacrifice Roe v Wade." Then she walked away.

I was speechless. Sacrifice Roe v was ringing in my ears like a thunderclap. How could she even consider taking the chance of voting into office a president who would for a second consider taking away this right?

But once my ears stopped ringing, I began to think about what she said and the conversation we were having. National security...terrorist attacks. And I knew I needed to do some more soul searching. I knew I needed to ask myself more questions. But did I have the answers to them all? I don't think I do...but who does?

I ask myself if I can consider putting into office a president who would for a second consider taking this great nation and put it at risk for the carnage we saw on 9/11? I ask myself what is the most important platform facing this nation and what is the most important issue on which to place my vote? Certainly national security is right up there at the top.

But to take the chance to give up something fought so hard seems like a step backwards. If given this chance, I have to ask, what will the government take away next? much to think about.

Hunting for a Photo! SAD


A Broken Butterfly

Friday, October 3, 2008

Dame Right!

Which classic dame are you? Which leading lady of the silver screen stands like a guidepost for your life? Are you street-smart, quick witted and possibly a little dangerous? Or are you stylish and arch, always ready with a cutting remark? Maybe you're a little on the nurturing side, standing calmly alongside your man, all the while running his world for him. See which classic lady (or tramp) you really are. I fell for it. I admit it...I wanted to know what kind of dame I am and guess what! I am the best dame of all! I'm......

Katharine Hepburn

You scored 14% grit, 19% wit, 43% flair, and 24% class!
You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women.

Lucy Has A Coke Problem

You know...when you find 5 opened cans of Diet Coke in a single day, in different rooms in the house, all with various amounts of Coke in might have a problem.

What Day is it? It's Sky Watch Friday!

In case you cannot read the sign it says...
Mauna Loa
In Front of you looms the world's largest active volcano

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Writer's Block

I don't know what has been wrong with my mind lately. I have started many times to write something and I just can't get myself wrapped around anything. I start something and I end up hitting the delete key, begin again and hit delete and the process is repeated over and over and over until I just give up and post another picture.

When I began this blog it was to be an outlet for my thoughts...not a photo blog. But my blog has become saturated with photos...not a bad thing. But I am a girl of words. I love them...and I have an opinion about everything...just ask anyone who knows me. So what is wrong with me...why can't I get my thoughts out of my mind and onto this blog? Writers block? I don't know.

I wonder if it doesn't have more to do with the time of year...fall. The world around me is changing quickly. The flowers are drying up and going to seed...ready to drop into the soil to prepare for next year. The grass is brown and trees are beginning to lose their leaves. The air is getting crisper...the days shorter, which of course means the nights are longer. Even the sun isn't as warm as it was a month ago. Could leave anyone in a funk, no?

Fall ...a time when everything either dies or or gets ready to sleep the winter away. Fall, the season that takes us to those holidays we celebrate with our families...ah yes, families. Therein lies the problem.

I have no family. Now let me correct that...I have my children and my husband...but no brothers, parents, grandparents, etc. By mid 1997, I had buried them all. If I still have my children and my husband, you might ask, what is the problem? Why would you be melancholy about the holidays?

It is very strange to be an orphan at the ripe old age of 36. And for many years I did not understand why I became sad and unsettled around this time of year. I never understood why I was so surly at Thanksgiving and Christmas until one particular year when we were all with my husband's family.

We were sitting around after a wonderful meal and he and his sisters were talking about the Christmas' past. There were lots of 'remember whens' going on between them. It was at this point I had an epiphany. I have no 'remember whens'!

There is no one in my life with which I can sit back and down a drink, chuckle and say, 'do you remember that time dad....' Or 'hey Mom, do you remember when I....' Those things are forever gone for me. It is as if a part of me died. And the holidays bring back that reality like a baseball bat to the head. Fall is just the precursor to that.

As time as gone on...yes time does heal all wounds or at least scab them over. Things have gotten easier. I try to see the beauty of the season and embrace it. I work to create those 'remember whens' for my own children and share in their stories as we gather around the holiday table. I am no longer miserable during the holiday season, though there is still a sense of loss and pain.

I have also discovered family isn't defined by blood...but that is another post...and for that I am so fortunate.

But nevertheless...this is a bump in the road of time I need to get through...for whatever the reason it is happening. Maybe getting it out will help me to move that giant block that is in the way and the words will flow more easily. Then again maybe I should just post another picture!

Thanks for listening.

HS:MS Perch

As soon as I saw today's word I knew just the photo I would be using. For what better what to illustrate 'perch' than to share with you my lovely Pearl perching on my hand while I read my newspaper.

Pearl (no longer with us) was our banty Cochin who free roamed our yard and lived in a basket in the house (another story) and frequently hopped into my lap for some affection. This particular day she came around from the back of the house, hopped onto the porch, then the bench and then onto my hand as I was holding onto the paper reading. She perched there for quite some time making page turning rather difficult.

I See You!