It is a love hate relationship....that time in a parent's life when your children no longer need you. The time when they have left the nest...some of you may know of what I speak. You hope you have given them the tools they need to survive the world without you. The brains and common sense to make decisions that keep them safe, secure and happy.
It is what we strive for as parents...it is our job and the measure of our success. But it also a bit sad...for to not be needed is an empty feeling. So when our children call upon us for advice or help it makes us feel 'parental' again...needed.
I have one who seems to think her mother has an 'S' emblazoned upon her chest and when anything needs to get done this child calls upon her mother to 'handle it'. Not that this daughter isn't capable of handling herself or her situations...oh trust me she is. But when she fails...it is mom who swoops in to save the day.
Yes there is a story here.....
Phone rings at 4am (why is it always 4am?)
"Mom there is a man in my house and he won't leave." She is very calm.
"Do you know this man?"
"Yes his name is Tom and he wants to talk to Andrea but she does not want to talk to him and we want him to leave and he won't."
I hear in the background a man's voice confirming he does not want to leave until he talks to Andrea (a friend of the daughter).
"Is he threatening you or Andrea?"
"No, he just won't leave. Can you come over and tell him to leave?"
"Tell him I am on my way and I am bringing my gun."
I hear her tell this man who will not leave her home as asked, "now you are in trouble, my mom is coming over and she is bringing her gun."
I hang up the phone, the hubby and I get out of bed, get dressed, retrieve the appropriate tools necessary....he takes a ball bat, I prefer the .38, and off we head to the daughter's.
You may be wondering at this point why the police were not called. The reason....we are only two blocks from her home and are most definitely able to reach her long before any police cruiser would. But I would have called them if I felt it was necessary and long before I showed my firearm.
We arrive to find this man whom we do not know and the two woman at the table. There is nothing adversarial going on. The hubby bangs the bat on the floor and suggests Tom leave. Tom thinks we are kidding...no we are not kidding and I even offer Tom a ride to whatever destination he chooses. No...he doesn't think that will be necessary and walks out. I let Tom know returning is a very bad idea and shut and locked the door behind him.
All was well that ended well. But.............
Back to the beginning....you know the part where we as parents are supposed to give our children the tools to take care of themselves? Seems I have failed.
As I was trying to figure out the night's events and how Tom ended up in my daughter's home I became aware that my daughter has the potential to be an idiot! Strong words for a mother to use in reference to her daughter don't you think? But I don't know how else to describe her behavior that night. You read and decide.
It seems after several glasses of wine and conversation into the wee hours of the morning, the friend needed to smoke and being that it is winter and cold they just decided to open the door and sit inside. Viola...in walks Tom! I had a fit...a giant, mom-sized tantrum.
They were lucky it was just Tom and not the rapist that has attacked seven women in the area in the past six months. Because next time she is acting stupid, Super Mom may not be able to swoop down in time to save her.
Unfortunately it was not the time to try to teach a lesson. Too much emotion and too much alcohol involved at that time. But I will get back to it...trust me.
Me, the mom who taught personal protection courses for years, both with and without firearms to strangers, has been unable to impart the same valuable information to her own daughter. Or is it I taught it and like most young women, she just doesn't think she will ever be a victim?...she is invincible, untouchable, scatheless?
I wonder if those other seven women thought the same thing?