Saturday, August 11, 2012


All good things must come to an end, Gram died early this morning. My friend is "rejoicing" knowing Gram has gone to be with her beloved, Gramp.

Grace....Gram epitomized the definition of the word.

97 years of peacefully Gram.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

My Friend....

She hurts tonight. Her heart is heavy and she is weary. I want to wave my magic wand and take all her pain away. But it was this friend who once pointed out to me, "your magic wand is simply a toy and the sooner you embrace reality, the better your world will behave".

She isn't a kill joy, this friend of mine. She deals in facts. She has had to, as everyday since her now 26 year old son turned three, life has been one challenge after another. This summer has been particularly difficult. Imagine making the decision to have a large part of your son's brain removed...for his own good of course. At what cost?

Uhhh..."well we will have to wait and see. But odds are good he won't suffer too much brain damage and there is a good chance it will stop most of his seizures....yeah, I can't even begin to consider what they went through. But they did, her and her husband, and they did it with grace, strength and dignity.
That was less than two months ago. Today....

Her Gram, dear sweet Gram, is dying. Some would say it is not a tragedy for Gram is 97. She outlived her husband, a son in law, a granddaughter.....a very long life, a good life, a great family. But the tragedy lies in the heart of my friend. My friend who loves her sweet Gram and will miss her terribly when she crosses to the other side where Gramp will surely be waiting.

It will be then, I will get that damn wand out and wave it with everything I have in hopes there is just a teeny tiny little bit of magic in it, just enough to ease her pain bit. Is that too much to ask?

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


Those who have read these pages over time know I dislike change. With that being said, if you have read these pages over time, you also know I have seen a great deal of change.

Nothing has changed....I still don't like it.

Once again though, I find I am in the midst of that nasty six letter verb.

This time it is preceded by "job"...I have had a job change. Nasty? Not the adverb I would use to describe the "change". It hasn't been too bad...different yes. But not bad.

Huhhh...maybe there is hope for "change"?

I will keep you posted......

Tuesday Catch Up!

A Shutter Sister's One Word Project Catch up

Friday, August 3, 2012


Not so much in the "supernatural" get your feet off the ground kind of way...but more in the "celebrate the everyday" kind of thing way.

Through their One Word Project,  Shutter Sisters encourages us to use our cameras during the month of August to "Elevate" those things random and often ordinary.

I am starting a bit late (what's new) and combining the first three prompts:
my morning, favorite space and cameras....

A quickly staged photo of my Nikon D60 and my favorite morning beverage. I am just becoming reacquainted with the camera after a long absence from looking at life through its view finder. I wonder if I will capture a photo of my favorite space? As of now...I seem to be aimlessly wandering seeking a place to once again call "favorite".

Skywatch Friday!

I have not posted to Skywatch in FOREVER! This was one of my favorites in the past...I look forward to posting again on a regular basis!

                             Coronado Beach, CA

They Are Children

I have spent the last couple of hours looking for information related to the effects of divorce on adult children. It is sparse to say the least. The common thread of information says just that: there isn't much research in that particular area. Why?

I guess because when families fall apart after children reach the age of maturity, most believe the impact is not significant. Uh....not so much! Our family disintegrated after 30 years and it has been devastating for myself, my former husband and all three of our adult children (I won't even go into the friends and the extended family).

The effects of the divorce are still present after nearly three years. We have yet to find that common terra firma we can all stand on comfortably. And it isn't because my former spouse and I so dislike each other....quite the contrary.

I love him and I have no doubt he loves me.....but our marriage failed in spite of us. Blame? What is point? I will take a considerable amount of it, though he shares some as well. It takes two. It also takes two to heal the devastation created and that is where we get stuck. Healing requires forgiveness. There isn't alot of that going on.

The impact of this divorce on our adult children has reared its ugly head throughout the past three years in various ways. The biggest impact is the loss in their sense of "family". It has been huge for us all. There is always a gaping hole...someone is always missing.

But recently the impact has become even more profound and I am at a loss as to how to help girls specifically. Their father has a girlfriend. They were thrust into his relationship and expected to accept her and it from the get go. It was fast and furious with no warning. She apparently is less than subtle and does not understand "boundaries".  Try as they might to like her...they cannot stand her.

They feel guilty because they want him to be happy and because as one said, "I feel as if I am acting like a fourteen year old spoiled brat". The time they spend with him and her, and herein lies the problem, they cannot see him without her, the more they dislike her. It is beginning to cause serious problems for them. They feel they are losing their coveted relationship with their father.

Yes, they have tried to talk to him about it. Their words fall on deaf ears. Feeling were not his thing. Some things never change.

No matter how old they are, divorce hurts children. And seeing my kids hurt, hurts me beyond measure...especially when I am powerless to help them.
Some things never change.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Re- inventing The Wheel

Is it necessary, I ask myself? Most say, don't bother. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. It ain't Perhaps just ailing, in need of a few minor changes, deletions, additions, etc.

I certainly need to update my blog list! I have begun to surf around, looking for different blogs to add. I have a special interest in quilting, art journal and photography blogs. I have my favorite old standbys as well.

I like the new look. We all need a new look every now and again! I have always been partial to sunsets. I took the photo in my header in San Diego standing on Sunset Cliffs....aptly named don't you think? It is an amazingly beautiful place. I will be posting more photos soon.

I intend to take more photos....something I have gotten away from in the past couple of years. I am going to once again use this space to display my photographs, as this was always my creative outlet and pictures allowed me another means to express myself.

I have discovered the fun and frustration of quilting. I have created a few decent quilts. I make them for family and friends...always trying to capture the essence of the person with the fabric or design. I can spend hours in the local quilting shops walking in circles until I find just the right combination of prints, colors, textures to cut and stitch together. I hope to share a few.

Writing has always been cathartic...cleansing. I often bare my heart and soul through the words I write in this space. That will not change. This is my space...created by me, for me and as time goes on, I will continue to share those things, trivial and those vitally important, public and yet intensely private....where the entire world can see.....odd isn't it.

Monday, July 30, 2012

This is a Test

I am writing to see if I was able to figure out the aforementioned problem regarding the lack of breaks created between paragraphs using the enter/return goes...hit the key

Did it work? I am going to look at the preview right now....

Well I'll be dipped damned! I am a genius! I figured it out on my own! All by my own little self! Under "post settings" there is an "options" button, under that there is an option to choose "enter" for line breaks...Click!

Viola!!!!!! Spaces between my paragraphs....I will sleep much better now! maybe I am a little anal....


Rambling thoughts...                                                 Blogspot makes me crazy! What is with this program's inability to recognize "return/enter" to create spaces/lines between paragraphs? Why doesn't what I type in dashboard look like what is published on the blog? UGH! space bar space bar preview preview...back and forth back and forth!                                                                                                                                                                              And no I am not OCD! I just have a thing about spaces between my paragraphs

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Under Construction

Please be patient with all the changes and blips and mess ups!

Saturday, July 28, 2012

What's The Plan?

Welllll....... That depends on what we are talking about.      
                                                                                               The immediate plan is to take a shower as it appears to be 6pm and I am still in boxer shorts and the t-shirt I slept in! Don't let the attire delude you into thinking I have not been productive today...quite the contrary!                                                                                                                                      I have dusted, run the vacuum cleaner, sorted all my fabric, nearly finished a quilt top for my son and walked in on my daughter and her boyfriend in the throws of ummmmm....                                                                                                                                                                         Well, let's just say, he was butt ass naked and her legs were in the air! In their defense, it is her apartment, and I didn't knock.                                                                                                                                                                                    In my defense, there wasn't a sock on the doorknob!!!!!!!!

Friday, July 27, 2012

Memory Lane

I spent some time last evening taking a walk down that familiar path....

When I created this blog slightly over four years ago, I had no idea where it would go or better articulated: where it would take me.

 It has been a journey, these past four years. I have learned a great deal about myself and about others. Life has a way of teaching us lessons we are apt never to forget! Sometimes I think getting hit by a train might have been easier and far less painful! But alas....I survived. For that is what I am to my very core....a survivor!

However, I don't always want to be a "survivor". I want to embrace my life and those in it. I have had a difficult time doing that in recent years. I miss the feeling of true joy, of being passionate about something, anything!

Existing within my existence has become the norm. Meandering through the words I have written over the years brought feelings of melancholy and yet spread smiles across my face.

Regrets? Often too many to count! Gratitudes? By far outweigh the regrets....there has been so much more good than bad! It is time to focus on those things!

Windows close, doors open...
Endings bring beginnings...

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Hello Old Friend

Here you are...always stead fast and waiting. Poised for my return no matter how long I have been gone. Accepting my absence without question. Patiently waiting for what is to come. I neglected you my friend. Why? I did not want you to become the outlet for all that was negative and sad. I did not know how to take you in a direction that was safe....for us both. Yet Dear Friend, I have felt you tugging at my soul.... After all "writing is the supreme solace" (W. Somerset Maugham)

I See You!