Saturday, December 27, 2014


I am grateful. My life has been turned upside down more than once and somehow I have always managed to come out on the other end reasonably sane and well. I suspect I will repeat this pattern once again.

I am grateful. I am grateful to and for those in my life who have continued to love and support me through the end over end events. There aren't many...we often find out who our real friends are when we are buried beneath the trauma and drama that is life.

I am grateful. I am grateful for my Angel. She has always been with me to hold the world steady  when I couldn't do it on my own.

I am grateful. I stopped in to see her today and she talked of gratitude. Her gratitude for me. Her words made me cry...I do that a lot lately. And then she gave me this:

Grateful Red glassybaby
I am grateful......

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Life in an amusement park

Do you ever feel like your life is taking place in an amusement park? Riding the roller coaster for days on end or perhaps just a calming ride on the carousel?

My life of late seems to mimmic the speeding, highs and lows of the roller coaster. Up one minute at a manageable pace and then the next, barreling down at break neck speeds and careening around the corner uncontrollably.

This is why:
This is Owen James Lucio Patrick. He is eight years old and he is in the final stages of renal failure...he is dying. My heart is breaking.
I have known Owen since he was three. As a part of my then job, I rode the school bus to and from school with him. Owen is blind. Because of his blindness, he likes to use his thumbs to apply pressure to his eyes. This give him the sensation of "seeing" so can you blame him? But that particular habit can cause infection and damage to his beautiful blue eyes. It was my job to stop him from poking as he rode the bus to and from school.
Riding the bus with him morphed into taking care of him a few hours a week after school, to taking care of him during the summer, to quitting my job and taking care of him 40 hours a week for a year. He and I have a bond. A very strong bond. He is my boy and I am his "other mother". He loves me and I love him. He is dying and my heart is breaking.
I could spend hours and days telling you stories about Owen. There are so many! I need this outlet to share some of those stories. I ask for your tolerance as I write about him. I need to do something that could make a difference in a time when I can't effect change. A powerless, out of my control, don't have the magic wand or super power cape time. He is dying, my heart is breaking and I can't change a damn thing about that!!!!!!
What I am hoping to change is this: the awareness, compassion and understanding for children like Owen. The "less than perfect" children in our society who are in reality, the epitome of perfection. I am hoping by doing so I can somehow cope. Because....he is dying and I am broken hearted.
Thanks for listening.....

I have a new laptop. I have missed writing. I need to write. Writing is cathartic. I need something cathartic. I am going to write. I am going to write here.

Thank you for being here.....

I See You!