Sunday, July 17, 2011

On Being Single #1

Being single after 30 years of marriage is, well.....interesting. Ok....there are a plethora of words I could use to describe what my life has been like since my divorce...but interesting will suffice for this particular topic.

Being single as it relates to the opposite sex is the topic at hand. And this shall be my first installment of what I know will be many many more postings regarding said issue. So without further ado I give you the first installment of:
On Being Single

I seem to attract only the weirdos at the bar. I go to the bar to dance and to only dance. I love to dance! I dance by myself or with a few select men I know VERY well. I even wear a sparkly ring on the fourth finger of my left hand to give the impression I am married. Most men just leave me alone. That makes me very happy! But then you have the weirdos!

Let me set the scene: Girlfriend and I are standing at a table talking. Man with hair that looks like he stole it from a Muppet, walks over to me and says:

Muppet man: You are the most beautiful woman in the bar. Are you an Aries? Because that's my hobby.
Me: Thank you. No, not an Aries.
Muppet man: No? Well then you must be a Libra.
Me: Nope not a Libra either. You've got 10 more. Maybe you should get a new hobby!

Girlfriend and I dance off to the dance floor with drinks in hand. Who knows what kind of Leo/Gemini voodoo stuff Muppet Man would have put in our drinks if he had had the chance!

Scene Two, different week, same bar: I have been a dancing maniac for hours. A male friend is with me and we are having a great time. I am aware of a guy watching from a distance...but there are alot of guys watching the dance floor. No big deal....until I go to the bathroom. Upon exiting the bathroom, I notice a man leaning against the wall adjacent to the restroom door. He reaches for my hand as I walk past stopping me:

Bathroom Stalker: You are absolutely gorgeous.
Me: Thank you
Bathroom Stalker: I have been waiting for an opportunity to tell you that all night
Me: I don't know what else to say to that except Thank you?

I walk away thinking, did he really just follow me to the bathroom and lurk outside the door until I came out to tell me that? Well, guess what Mr. Bathroom Stalker...jokes on you! There was no soap in there so I couldn't wash that hand you grabbed onto! Ha!

It's a jungle out there careful!

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