As I read Epi's words today, "...but when you find that a bit of your soul dies every day that you call into dispatch to let them know you're there.... It's probably time to go," I shuddered with a familiar feeling. I remember how that felt.
I remember working in a place where the the adminstration sucked the passion out of your soul. Where no matter how much you loved the job, the co-workers, the people you served, it just was not enough to keep your heart and soul nourished.
I knew when I hated the administration more than I loved the students, it was time to leave. I knew when I was sick to my stomach with the thought of entering the building everyday, it was time to leave. I knew when I couldn't advocate for my students because I couldn't bear to talk to him, it was time to leave.
It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. This is the girl who has lived in the same house since she was five...I don't like change. I loved my co-workers. I felt like I was abandoning my students. I had worked in this building for nine years, it was home. But one man was robbing me of my passion. And without my passion I was completely ineffective.
I applied for a similar position in another building in the same district. I was hired. I said my goodbyes to those who mattered. Most understood why I was leaving and wished they had the same opportunity. I wanted to throw up!
I was frightened...oh man was I frightened. I hate change! But it was the best decision I have ever made. I would scrub toilets for my new principal. I don't think there is a thing she could ask me to do that I wouldn't. Do you know why? Two things happened when I was in the building last week.
1. When she saw me for the first time after the summer break, she grabbed me and wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly and said, 'You look great!" She meant both hug and the compliment.
2. The same day, as she was sitting in her office working at her table, she called me in and looked at me and said, "I am so glad you are here. I don't know what I would have done without your help today. You saved my life and have allowed me to spend the weekend with my family. Thank you."
In the four years I worked for the 'Jackass' (my pet name for my previous administrator) he never complimented anything I did, let alone tell me he was glad I worked for him. I don't think he said those things to anyone, as he is a true narcissist.
My passion for my job and my students has returned with a vengence. I no longer want to throw-up just thinking about going to work. My heart swells as I walk into the building in the morning. This staff is family. They take care of each other...they really do care about each other and that comes from the top!
Epi, I wish you well in your endeavor to find a job where your passion can flourish. Where those who employ you will recognize your gifts and embrace them. I hope you will be as lucky as I have been and be able to put behind you the adminstators that suck you dry and find the one who will nourish your heart and soul. Keep us posted.